Stupid Quotes

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Stupid Quotations from Dan Katz

Recorded by Scott, Phil, Zach and Ryan

101 total quotations!

12/01/00 Dan: "I'll give you a dollar if you pull out a piece of Mrs. Revel's hair." Phil: (shrewdly) "Ten dollars." Dan: "Twenty dollars!"

12/01/00 #100 Andrew: "How did they get Mussina?" Phil: "Steinbrenner said to Mussina, 'Alright, how much do you want?'" Dan: "Yeah, he was like, 'I'll sell you a boat!'"

11/15/00 "The name of the story should be 'The Three Cats and Mouse-A-Lot.'"

11/15/00 "So in Spanish it would be, 'Los Tres Gatos y Mouse-A-Lot.'"

11/15/00 "I don't know how to say 'Mouse-A-Lot' in Spanish."

11/13/00 "I'm not a common thinker."

11/09/00 "Bush was like, 'Fuzzy money! Fuzzy money!'"

11/09/00 "No seriously, the cow would break its neck.

11/08/00 "I want to put a cow on the roof of the high school."

11/08/00 "Think about it logically, you can't get it down without killing it."

11/08/00 "The cow can't walk down the stairs without falling!"

09/29/00 "I'm not going in to the science department a field."

09/14/00 "Scott would be amazed by the simplicity of the abacus."

09/08/00 Scott: "What would your domain name be?" Dan: "I'd get a picture of Jay Hariton."

09/07/00 Dan: "You're just making me want to throw a carrot at you!"

09/07/00 After throwing a carrot Katz holds a peach and says, "I should have thrown this!"

09/05/00 Dan C.: "Randy randomly jumped up on the table during English today." Katz: "That's because I beat him up second period."

09/01/00 Katz: "Oh, my Gd, why don't you just shoot me?"

09/01/00 Scott: "There are probably thousands of Dan Katz's." Dan: "That's a probably, you don't know."

06/02/00 Dan: "We should call Dan C. schmegegy." Phil: "Why?" Dan: "Because I like that name."

06/01/00 "I don't have any damn quilts!"

05/31/00 "You're quilts are golden!"

05/24/00 Classic Mr. Simonsen: "What are some unwritten rules in society, Dan?" Dan: "Don't put oil on your pizza."

05/24/00 "First of all, I couldn't think of anything, second of all, I was thinking about pizza because I was hungry and I need an oil change for my car."

05/23/00 "She's in the McBand."

05/18/00 "I'm going to change a new leaf."

05/03/00 "She has to keep my laziness in pace."

04/27/00 "Mr. Hariton is like one of those African tribes with the ear lobes down to their ankles."

04/27/00 "I'll record the TV."

03/24/00 "She sounds like Mr. Ed."

03/23/00 "Flips it's a dollar, flip a dollar."

03/23/00 "What would you rather do, work or play with pennies?"

03/22/00 Katz: "He was throwing stuff at my car, so if he came back I was going to hit him." Phil: "That would be stupid." Katz: "No I was temporarily insane!"

03/20/00 "Don't be a cryberry!"

03/16/00 "That's like asking a pig if he likes to sleep in his own mud. The answer is yes. Of course this is taking into consideration that pigs could talk, which they can't."

03/15/00 "My brain is on cruise control."

03/08/00 "You capitalist pigs! You aren't even fit to throw a boomerang half way around the world!"

03/03/00 Dr. Munrow: "What's wrong Dan?" Dan (puzzled): "Zach?"

03/02/00 "I've got a parrot on my computer that sings."

02/28/00 "I'd bite the dogs, and they would bite the masters. There would be a whole lot of biting going on."

02/17/00 "Andrew Brown, the beast from the Middle East!"

02/16/00 Scott: "Are you muttering?" Katz: "Are you blubbering?"

02/15/00 "She's mad at McDonalds!"

02/15/00 After resting his head on an orange, he says, "I'm enlightening myself."

02/15/00 "Navel navel navel navel navel navel navel navel navel!"

02/15/00 "Looks like a bong to me."

02/04/00 Describing what it would be like if Chris and Veshal were lab partners, Katz says, "Chris would be like 'Yo!' and Veshal would be like 'Hoo!'"

01/24/00 "I never had worms!"

01/24/00 Classic "I know for a fact that I never had worms!"

01/06/00 "Veshal is a vampire. He bites people."

01/11/00 "I said bridges, not gridges."

01/05/00 Katz: "Why did you do that?" Phil: "Do what? Katz: "I don't know."

01/03/00 "Hold your bridges!"

01/03/00 "I didn't say that. I don't even remember what I said."

12/20/99 "I'm not a prince. I'm Jewish, but I'm not a prince."

12/20/99 "It's the stupid colon he's laughing at!"

12/20/99 "Why don't you just circle the colon!"

12/20/99 "He only has one legal right to his shoes!"

12/20/99 "There will never be a Pope in Cleaveland!"

12/16/99 "Stop looking at the owls!"

12/16/99 Katz: "He could eat dog biscuits." Phil: "Why eat dog biscuits?" Katz: "Why eat anything?"

12/10/99 "Why don't you just buy a book and put my name on it?"

12/10/99 Emily: "Yeah, I took a picture of Katz." Katz: "No you didn't! You missed!"

12/10/99 Katz: "If I was Antonio Alfonseca [a baseball player], I'd definitely bet fingers. He has eleven!!"

12/10/99 Katz: "I don't bet money." Phil: "What do you bet then?" Katz: "I bet fingers."

12/06/99 Katz: "I'd like to move to New York for just 1 day and then move away." Miguel: "Couldn't you just visit for a day?" Katz pauses to think: "I guess that's a better idea."

12/03/99 Katz: "Jesus Christ!" Mrs. White: "Jesus Christo." Katz: "Jewish."

12/01/99 After Ryan says some gibberish, Katz responds "Guichi Waa!"

11/29/99 Phil: "You didn't know that Pakistan was mostly Muslim." Katz: "Yes I did! They've been fighting the Jews for centuries!"

11/29/99 Katz turns to Ryan and says, "Are you a goat?"

10/28/99 "Mine looks like a tooth."

10/28/99 Admiring the speed with which he ate his lollypop he exclaims, "Katz is like a Hoover vacuum!"

10/27/99 Mr. Kavall: "The slime we make will be non-toxic...." Katz proclaims: "So we can eat it!"

10/26/99 "How dare you throw that piece of tape!"

10/25/99 "There's only ONE place I wouldn't go." (Pauses to think) "Actually three."

10/25/99 "Ryan, do you want to get hit with the turkey?"

10/25/99 Phil: "A shoe won't save your foot if the acid is strong enough." Katz: "No, not if your feet are small!"

10/19/99 "You don't remember. I played football, remember?"

10/19/99 "Plastics are bad...they kill ducks!"

10/19/99 "I said that your finger was my finger."

10/19/99 "I installed it in my book."

10/15/99 Classic "I just heard BOOM, BOOM, BOOM."

10/14/99 "I need the silver to eat. I can't eat without the silver."

10/13/99 Mrs. White shows Katz a gold watch. Mezmerized, he responds, "Alternating."

10/06/99 "Give me the barbequed pig ears!"

10/08/99 Zach: "What is a kitten after its three days old?" Dan: "A kid?"

10/08/99 Dan: "It can't be stupid if you don't hear something!"

10/08/99 Zach: "You didn't skip a line." Dan: "This is only one line!"

10/04/99 (Phil takes off his safety goggles after a lab.) Dan: "You have cuts all over your face!"

09/30/99 "This book is thicker than my head."

09/30/99 "Look guys, my calculator says Casino."

09/23/99 "I'll show you a retard..." (Grabs calculator)

06/17/99 "I'm just saying..." (Makes hand motion) "I'm not saying anything."

06/01/99 "I'm not taking Algebra 3 next year." Phil: "What are you taking then?" Katz: "I'm taking Algebra 3."

06/01/99 "I have never got caught..." (pause) "except once."

03/31/99 "D-O-O-F spells goof."

03/29/99 "I never had cold tea."

03/26/99 "I'm bowling for dollars." (Throws a cookie and pretzel at Randy)

03/24/99 "I make sense."

03/12/99 "It's Miguel on the brain."

03/04/99 #1 Dan Cuzzone: "It's matzah." Katz: "It's maffle?"

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